An open letter to all the brides & brides-to-be!

It’s surreal

It’s new…

You may feel lost

Like the early morning dew!

It’s scary

It’s blue…

I know, it’s just a phase

Happiness is about to shine through!

Trust the process

And trust your decision…

The universe has your back

With all its precision!

Well, with this I am gearing up to open up my heart and place it right here. I don’t know if I am ready yet, but will I ever be?

To all the brides and brides-to-be,

Firstly, here’s my clichéd congratulations! I did get thousands of it 😛 while honestly, all I wanted were blessings, prayers, strength, good-wishes and some hard cash! 😛 I mean seriously though, but you get my point, right?

I understand it is a strange yet very interesting time. You are about to get married and your family is suddenly super nice to you! (Or maybe not! Okay at least some of them are nice to you!) You get loads of free advice, dos and don’ts, and so on. You are worried, scared, anxious, happy, cheerful, and sad all at the same time.

I get it. I get it all! I am still riding on that rollercoaster as I write this on the 17^th day of my wedding. “How’s married life treating me” is one of the most asked questions to which I just reply saying ‘so far so good’ because honestly, I am still trying to figure it out. It’s all so busy that I am trying to sink it all in.

Fast forward to now after one month of my marriage as I edit this document, I can say that I am kind of settling into this newness. I have adjusted well with the new fam, the new routine is yet to set although my mind is sort of adjusting and understanding the entire situation a lot better than it was doing say 15 days back. Moral of the story? Give it time! Give yourself the time to adjust and get going with the new surroundings and the new routine.

Now I will try and answer a few common questions and touch upon everything without making it look scary for all you vulnerable yet happy young ladies! Hope it offers some clarity!

How is it leaving your world behind and starting afresh? How is it leaving your family behind?

Leaving your family and moving out is definitely NOT easy, obviously. However, having said that if we look at it from a broader perspective, everyone does it and it may seem impossible now, but it actually isn’t. All you need to learn is ‘a new skill’ of making good enough time for both your families. And with social media, video calls, WhatsApp etc. it should not be very hard! Prioritize.

Concerned about losing your friends and all the fun?

Well, like everything else, this too is in your hands. My answer is NO! My friends are super important to me and I am not leaving them behind. Just now I finished writing letters for them just like before! So you see? You just learn to prioritize your time!

Is it now going to be all work no play and only responsibilities?

Depends! I know, it sounds scary but seriously it depends on how you look at it. Yes, from my experience, work has doubled. I do not have 5 maids at home, we earn a decent amount to run the house, manage the family expenses and also have enough to splurge occasionally. A typical middle-class household as off now! So yes, house-work is a major part, keeping your in-laws happy is another but making time for yourself is also key, and I cannot emphasize this enough. You cannot pour from an empty cup, so filling in your cup is also your responsibility.

Having an understanding partner helps big time! It is all about scheduling and managing work with fun, it is difficult but not rocket science! I am sure you’re skilled enough to manage! So don’t worry bud, you will do just fine!

How is it dealing with the in-laws?

A. Even I was super anxious about this one! But now I’m finally gelling well and things are running smoothly (at least I assume so! :P) Another thing is, let’s not call it ‘dealing with in-laws’. In-laws are people too and most of the time genuinely nice people who are equally confused about the new addition to the family as much as you are! So be nice, be patient, learn the new ways, and adapt to the new surroundings. Now, you have a new family, it indeed is a responsibility but a happy one! More people, more support, more happiness!

With this blog – an open letter to all the brides & brides-to-be, the important thing that I want to share that for any relationship to work, it takes effort from both the sides so do not just expect them to be understanding all the time. You be the bigger person, stretch your hands first, offer help and be kind. Things are sure to work out just fine!

Will marriage affect your career?

A. It will if you let it get affected! Honestly, if you belong to a conservative middle-class family, it will surely get affected at least a little bit as the responsibilities increase. But it is a part and parcel of life. Accept the fact and increase your efficiency and work it out if you are genuinely serious about your career. You just need to be patient and be solution-oriented rather than being problem-oriented. And, never stop dreaming big!

How is it managing work with family responsibilities?

A. Hard. But what is life without some challenges? Deal and deal with a smile. Rope in your husband, if he supports you in your endeavours, it will be a lot easier!

Miscellaneous things that may trouble you…

A. Meditate more and deep breaths whenever you feel anxious. I am serious. I did just this. Also, I prayed really hard. Let me share what Guruji always say, “You do the possible possible and the Grace will do the impossible possible!” It is 100% true 🙂 After making all the arrangements, crying over the smallest of things, making sure everything works well, after spending all the money I had, I found out that the electricity of the hall might trip because of some construction work nearby. I got furious when I first learnt this. I felt so helpless as this was completely out of my control. After a while, I calmed myself down and left it upon the universe. As there was nothing I could do about it! And, there will be so many more instances where you are helpless…

So, shed that extra weight off your shoulders and enjoy these moments. They are priceless.

And this one is for everyone who tried to guilt me to start working within 15 days of getting married… … … … …

….

Yeah, NOTHING! There’s nothing I want to say to you guys because it is of absolute waste of my time! My time is precious boo and I am not spending even one bit of it to console your shallow mindset! You may just leave and think before you speak to me next time! You know who you are 😛

PRO TIP to all the brides & brides-to-be:

Communicate with your partner. Discuss it all before. Don’t build mystery around important subjects and things that are close to you. Talk what matters and how you plan to live your after-married life with your partner with utmost clarity. I discussed everything that matters to me for more than 10 times with my husband. I confirmed it so many times about how I plan to continue working, being in the Art of Living circle, my family, how much time I want to dedicate to house-work, kids, vacations, my fears etc. that he was almost annoyed. But I wanted to be 100 % sure as I was in a way risking my life with this man 😛 (Who is my School Friend) But yeah, I love my life and I absolutely love my dreams. Cannot compromise on them. Come. What. May! Period.

Blog – “open letter to all the brides & brides-to-be”

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